Heart For The Captive

From Isaiah (and Luke): "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind,to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”

A revolutionary part of the Gospel is the liberation of the captive.  All men ultimately are captives to sin, to those things we hold so tightly to ourselves.  We are captive to our greed, to our shame, to our guilt, to our imperfection.  It can be overwhelming.

Yet Jesus came to set the captives free.  We see it in the healing of lepers, in His encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well, and even in His appearance to Saul on the road to Damascus.  Jesus had a heart for the captive - a spirit that reached out to those in need and met them where they were.  We as believers can forget this, especially when we lose focus about who Jesus' ministry was truly about - the poor and downtrodden.  It was about us, because ultimately we are all poor in spirit.  

I've been in the place where I've been full of myself, but when we're in that place we are actually hiding.  It is when we meet God and He shows us who we truly are - and we are open to what He shows us - that we can move forward in His power.

The following is another piece I wrote.  It's about eight years old and personal, addressing feelings of worthlessness that I've had in my life, doubting that I could ever be loved.  

I wanted to write a love song

Wanted to lay it all bare

I just wanted to write a love song

But when I opened my heart

Nothing was there

Lamenting broken childhood

Never trusting anyone one I’d see

A head mixed up with the question

“What is wrong with me?”

Told so many stories to myself

Never knew which was true

About the one who came into my heart

Picked me up so high

Pulled me down so low when she was through

So I’m crying out again

And my tears fall like rain

So I’m crying out again

Unable to escape my shame

Looking for the answers I never seem to find

This elusive “peace of mind”

To be or not to be?

What is wrong with me?

Could I believe that someone loved me

After all I’ve been through?

I touched the fire when I saw it

But was burned by this light that fills the rooms

A wretched pain has been uncovered

That time alone could never heal

This agony I’ve held in my heart’s cupboard

Upon my own deceit it is revealed

And I’m crying out for someone to hear my plea

What is wrong with me?

I heard your name somehow

From the branches of the trees

I felt your pain somehow

And it set me free

So let me write this love song

About a man who held me near

Even though I never saw your face

You were upon a hill

Nailed upon a tree

And You shed a tear for me…

Someone shed a tear for me   

Confession

Been going through my poetry lately.  I have a lot that I've typed up over the years and much that I haven't.  There are a couple of hundred poems littered throughout notebooks that I've kept from high school to the present.  Some are long, some are short, some are good, some are bad.  The strange thing is that I remember the circumstances surrounding the writing of each of them.  Many were written in the margins as I was taking notes for classes, seminars, sermons, and other things.  I tend to prefer doing more than one thing at once, so I'll be listening and writing simultaneously quite often - one part of my brain working on a poem, outline, etc while the other part pays attention and urges my hand to write down pertinent notes. 

This one, entitled "Confession", was written around a decade ago:

Oh this pale reflection of my withered soul

Oh this fragile communion struggling to grow

Whilst staring into the eyes of who I’ve been, what I’ve done, who I am

Stubborn and selfish, adhering to my own plans

Take these hands

Take these feet

Make them clean once again

Take the eyes and let them see

All the wonders of your hand

Oh this unholy cloak of righteousness I wear

Barren but sturdy, now showing a tear

It’s just so hard to break free of who I am

Upon my own power it is impossible to stand

Take these hands

Take these feet

Let them be made holy

Take my eyes

Take my ears

So all of my senses are driven by You only

Oh this pale reflection of my withered soul

Oh this empty heart looking for the pieces to be made whole

Who I’ve been is not who I want to be

I now look to You, to become like Thee

Take these hands

Take these feet

Let them bear the burdens you send

Take my eyes

Take my ears

This fragile body I can no longer tend

Studying Hebrews: Don't Turn Back

"Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift

away from it.  For since the message declared by angels proved to be reliable

and every transgression or disobedience received a just retribution, how shall

we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?"  Hebrews 2:1-3 (ESV)

Studying Hebrews for a small group has led me to much thought, prayer, and reflection.  In this book, the writer is encouraging a group of believers to stand fast and not return to the old way of The Law.  He makes a great argument, showing how much better it is to have revelation directly from God instead of through His intermediaries, the angels and prophets.  The person of Christ is the fulfillment of The Law, the one to whom the Old Testament pointed to.  He was made perfect in His suffering and, in doing so, can sympathize with us in our own suffering and temptation.  What a great Savior!

In thinking about this, I not only reflected on The Law and returning to it, but also in how I (and I'm sure others) can be tempted to return to old ways in our own lives.  While we are saved through Jesus' work on the cross, the flesh is not fully dead.  

I'm someone who has had a lot of work done, but I still need A LOT of work.  Even so, I realize how God has changed me over time, delivering me from things such as anger, lying, manipulation, and a long list of many other things.  At one point, however, I felt that each of those things was a part of me and I didn't want to let go.  I was just made that way, so why should I need to change?  Yet real freedom was found in releasing them; I have become more myself as God has worked in me over time - and there is still a long way to go.

This doesn't mean there's not temptation to return to old habits.  It's easy and comfortable to sink into the old ways, to feel those old feelings, but it's not as good as freedom that comes as we surrender ourselves to God, piece by piece, and He releases us from our burdens.  I've found that the more I give to Him, the less anxious I am.  He gives us peace, even in strenuous circumstances.

It is important to move forward, claiming Christ's victory and surrendering to Him daily.  We will all do it imperfectly, but His plan for us is so much greater than anything we can try to will for ourselves.

If you know me, you'll not be shocked that I'll reference a piece of music at this point.  If you REALLY know me, you'll not be surprised that it is by a band called U2.  Maybe you've heard of them.  It's called "Walk On".  

Lord, show us what we have held back from You in our lives and give us the strength, faith, and courage to hand it over to you.  All that we see, all that we feel, all that we build, all that we break.  Show us what we can leave behind.  Amen.

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for one second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No, they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can't sell it or buy it
Walk on, walk on
You stay safe tonight

And I know it aches, how your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home, hard to know what it is if you've never had one
Home, I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the hurt is

And I know it aches and your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on

Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
It's only time
All that you bear
No more than a feeling on my mind
All that you see
All that you wear
All that you sense
All that you scheme
All you dress up
All that you've seen
All you create
And all that you wreck
All that you hate

Hebrews Small Group - Safety Harbor Covenant Church

SMALL GROUP BIBLE STUDY:

HEBREWS

WEEK 1    January 10, 2012     Introduction and Background

          Reading:                  None             

Discussion:                       Examining the context of Hebrews while discussing its origins,

                                     potential writers, etc.        

                                   

WEEK 2    January 17, 2012     The Finality of Christianity

          Reading:               Hebrews 1:1-2:18    

Discussion:           The end of God's revelation

                                    Christ's supremacy

                                    The relationship between the Gospel and the Law

                                    The Savior and High Priest

WEEK 3    January 24, 2012     Our True Home

Reading:               Hebrews 3:1-4:13

          Discussion:              Jesus greater than Moses

                                                The seriousness of rejecting Christ

                                                The True Rest of God                     

                                               

WEEK 4    January 31, 2012     The High Priesthood of Christ

Reading:               Hebrews 4:14-6:20

          Discussion:              Jesus' Priesthood as encouragement

                                                Jesus' qualifications for High Priesthood

                                                Spiritual immaturity

                                                Dead works and falling away

                                                God's steadfast promise

WEEK 5    February 7, 2012     The Order of Melchizidek

Reading:               Hebrews 7:1-28

          Discussion:              The Priest-King and His Greatness

                                                Imperfection of Aaron's Priesthood

                                                Superiority of Christ's Priesthood

WEEK 6    February 14, 2012   Covenant, Sanctuary, and Sacrifice

Reading:               Hebrews 8:1-10:18

          Discussion:              Priesthood and Promise

                                                The Old Covenant Surpassed

                                                The Old Sanctuary

                                                Eternal redemption

                                                Christ as mediator

                                                Jesus' perfection

                                                Shadows from the past

                                                The New Order

WEEK 7    February 21, 2012   Call To Worship, Faith, and Perseverance

Reading:               Hebrews 10:19-12:29

          Discussion:              Direct access to God through Jesus' sacrifice

                                                Apostasy an act of will

                                                Perseverance

                                                What is faith, past and present?

                                                The City of God

                                                Jesus, Pioneer and Perfecter of Faith

                                                Acting on our Faith

WEEK 8    February 28, 2012   Conclusion Of The Argument

Reading:               Hebrews 13:1-25

          Discussion:              Christian ethics

                                                Examples to follow

                                                Christian sacrifice

                                                Submission to Guides

                                                Overview of Hebrews and what we've examined

                                               

                                               

                                               

           

The Christmas Project

I've never made a Christmas gift before.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I've never made a Christmas gift that wasn't a class project to honor our parents.

So I've not made a gift before out of my own free will, but this Christmas I decided to do just that.

As with most ideas, this project ended up looking nothing like I had originally envisioned.  My original concept was to redo a dresser and have each drawer feature a verse from the hymn "His Eye Is On The Sparrow".  The sides of the dresser would have featured three sparrows resting on a vine.  A beautiful concept that didn't pan out.  Sometimes going smaller isn't a bad thing.

So began the hunt to find a good piece of wood to begin with (I'd actually end up needing two after cracking the first one, though the cut on the second ended up being much better).  Next I attempted to find a painter since I am not one and learning how to paint in a matter of weeks would not have worked.

This is where the project took a turn.  A friend of a friend suggested a painter and then asked if I'd considered doing a decoupage.  As soon as that word was uttered the bells began to ring in my head.  I only knew what a decoupage was because of the person that this was made for.  Perfect.

A new search began, scouring antique shops for bird books and hymnals in somewhat bad shape that I wouldn't feel bad about cutting up.  Alas, nada.  So I turned to the last option - the internet and FedEx Office (formerly Kinko's).

The problem with anything new is that it is new and I wanted something that looked somewhat aged.  I would have to correct that problem and I had plenty of advice and help along the way. 

This project was fun and special because of who it was for but also because of how friends, families, and complete strangers that I told about it helped with suggestions along the way.  It wasn't created in a vacuum and it was such a joy to discover what it would end up being.  Thank you to anyone that reads this and helped for that help.  As I laid it out for gluing, I knew that everything was as it should be - and all that advice given is what got me there.  It's a reminder about how blessed we are to have other people in our lives, even for brief instants.

To get that aged look, I needed to tea stain the cardstock the images were printed on.  Everything was sourced online with size adjustment needed for the sparrows and the hymn.  One of the handy traits of using a Windows machine (sorry Mac users, Apple took away this option from you) is that you can print two pages to one sheet.  This was particularly helpful in creating a hymnal size pages for the hymn.  Due to the nature of color copying, the birds had to be printed on a form of white cardstock, so covering the images after tearing required two treatments.  The white color would not have worked as well with a blotchy finish as the antique gray color did for the hymn.

I used Mod Podge Matte finish to glue down the images and text, put three coats of it on top, and used MinWax Polycrylic to coat the top, bottom, and sides (two coats).  Regular old tea was used for aging the paper.  Pinking shears were used to cut out the refrain and give the front three different cuts.  The hymn was trimmed to look as if it came out of a hymnal.  The sparrows were torn off the cardstock for effect.  The verses, as stated, were given a pinking treatment.

Here are photos of some of the things I used and the finished piece.
 

A good brush is essential.  This is one with synthetic bristles designed specifically for water-based substances.

Plain old tea.  Dabbing is the best way to get a good effect.  Rubbing will give you an aged and worn effect.  Bludgeoning will give you more of a parchment effect due to the tea leaves being beaten into the cardstock.

Pine cut from Michaels.

Detail of the bare wood before any finish.

The pinking shears are an appropriate color.

We do all have something to sing about, but we have to choose to do so.  Yet life is so much better when we choose to sing and be happy, no matter the circumstance.

Sparrows on cardstock before tearing.

After tearing.

This was after aging the text.  It was the same gray color as the hymn page.

This is how it looks now that everything is done.

Blow Away The Lies That Leave You Nothing But Lost and Brokenhearted

One of my favorite purchases of the past few years is Bruce Springsteen's re-release of his 1978 album, Darkness On The Edge Of Town.  While he's had other albums that have received more attention and accolades, this one resonates with me the most.  The "special edition" of this one truly is special, featuring a reproduction of the notebook he used to write out lyrics, chords, etc and sequence the album with.  It's enlightening because it allows you to take a glimpse into the artist's mind to see how he created his piece.  In addition, there are two extra discs of unreleased music (entitled The Promise) that are excellent, a documentary on the making of the album, a live performance by the E Street Band of the whole album (done when they were all older men in 2009), and a vintage concert from the late 70s.

In short, a dream for a big fan of Springsteen and of the album.

But why does this album resonate to me?  Why have I come to be such a fan of Springsteen?  So much of it rests in what is found on this album and throughout his work - an honesty that permeates his writings and music, characters that are real, and a cinematic scope.  All of that existed in his first big break, Born To Run.  When I first heard Thunder Road my jaw dropped not just because of the beauty of the music, but because of the beauty of the words:

"The screen door slams
Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me"

And so it goes as we begin an optimistic journey into a world full of hope and dreams.

But Darkness On The Edge Of Town, the next album, would not be so bright and cheery.  Springsteen went through a legal battle in between and his view of the world changed.  The optimism gave way to reality as he went through a bitter divorce with the manager that helped discover him.  He was unable to record for three years due to the troubles and had to fight to keep his music.  Yet Darkness is not a cynical album.  There's no giving up, just the reality that we often don't attain our dreams, at least not as we envision them.

There's original sin here ("Adam Raised A Cain"), some despair ("Something In The Night", "Racing In The Street"), and many fine lines drawn.  But the singer continually insists that when you get knocked down you stand back up, dust yourself off, and keep on fighting.

From Badlands:

"Talk about a dream
Try to make it real
You wake up in the night
With a fear so real
Spend your life waiting
For a moment that just don't come
Well, don't waste your time waiting

Badlands, you gotta live it everyday
Let the broken hearts stand
As the price you've gotta pay
We'll keep pushin' till it's understood
And these badlands start treating us good" 

As we journey through the album we do find characters that have given up.  In one case ("Racing In The Street"), the singer keeps fighting, racing every day after getting home from work while his girl sits on the porch with "her pretty dreams torn", but he has not given up on her.  He resolves at the end: "Tonight my baby and me we're gonna ride to the sea - And wash these sins off our hands" as he tries to bring her back from her depression.  

"Some guys they just give up living
And start dying little by little, piece by piece
Some guys come home from work and wash up
And go racin' in the street"

It is in the finale, the track that the album is titled after, where the line is drawn.  The relationship has ended, but the singer can't give up the fight.  He realizes there's a darkness on the edge of town where people live in denial and unhappiness, silently succumbing to the ills of the world while trying to hide this fact:

"Everybody's got a secret Sonny
Something that they just can't face
Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it
They carry it with them every step that they take
Till some day they just cut it loose
Cut it loose or let it drag 'em down
Where no one asks any questions
Or looks too long in your face
In the darkness on the edge of town" 

That is a powerful lyric to me, made more powerful in the context of the music, the album, and the career of Springsteen.  There are a lot of uncomfortable truths in his work, but this comes from an artist who can examine himself and others around him.  It's there in his work up until the modern day.  Back in 1978, Springsteen outlined how secrets can bury us.  In the title track from his 2005 album, Devils & Dust, he also looks at fear and hits it dead on:

"I got God on my side
I'm just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love?
Fear's a powerful thing
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
And fill it with devils and dust"

Springsteen's work has its share of fun and truth.  I find him incredible to listen to because he covers the full gamut of emotions while also showing broad musical range, but Darkness On The Edge Of Town is the one record of his that truly brings it all home in my mind.  He's had many other great records, but this one hits me the hardest.

Symbolically

Searching for the answers of your everyday

Looking for a hope to light your way

A dream, maybe, as a guiding light

A color of the rainbow

Flashes of life longing to be seen

As they wander through the night

A thrill of hope to touch your soul

That has been a dark inescapable hole

A tear, it seems, has been shed for you

A light shining in the darkness

Flashes of life longing to be seen

Your soul transparent, it shines through

Symbolically, what does it mean?

Is a tree ever just a tree?

Is an action ever what it seems?

Is this life but a dream?

All the colours melt into one

Absorbing what they can from the light of the sun

A light that shines upon this darkened place

Once unable to pierce

Flashes of life longing to be seen

Words are granted to state your case

Symbolically, what does it mean?

Is a tree ever just a tree?

Is an action ever what it seems?

Is this life but a dream?

A voice calls you on into this wilderness

Your feet bludgeoned by the rocks

Your soul calls out its hopelessness

Falling ever farther into the night

Falling into the darkness…

A hand is extended, a story is told

As the words are spoken the truth unfolds

A star will shine upon your darkened face

Listening as you state your case

Flashes of life are seen

Enfolded in a state of grace

Symbolically, what does it mean?

Is a tree ever just a tree?

Is an action ever what it seems?

Is this life but a dream?

Because that is what it seems to me